“So, how’d you do it? ” Everyone on a weight loss journey ought to
prepare themselves to be able to answer this question in 10 words or less. And be prepared that *some* people DON’T want
to hear ANYthing to do with hard work or sacrifice or deprivation…those are the
kind of people who are looking for a “magic pill” or at the very least, a foolproof “formula”
guaranteed to bring FAST results.
Hey, I of all people *get this* totally- *I* was
one of them not that long ago.
If I asked someone who’d lost weight how’d they’d
done it, and they said it took them over a year to accomplish their goal, I’d
have scoffed and replied, “Pah, that’s too much work…..” So, beginning with THAT mindset, it is MY
intention to reach out to that audience.
Because I KNOW where you’re coming from…and all I can say is what was
said to me…and it impacted me: DOING
NOTHING won’t change anything either.
And it IS a mountain, but it can be moved….one shovelful at a time. I didn’t get this way overnight and I won’t
Undo it overnight either. And NOT caring
about my health…and NOT paying any attention to WHAT I was putting IN my
mouth…the most effective way to Undo that HABIT, is to COUNTERACT it the same
way…START caring, START paying
attention.
For me, the VERY first step was going to the LORD
about it. I’ve tried this MANY times
before, and *seemed* to succeed ( in the past, I DID lose weight) but I only
gained victory on the outside, NEVER on the inside- so the “success” was short-lived. I never dealt with the REAL deep-seeded
issues- of WHY I binged, WHY I turned to FOOD when I was dealing with emotional
issues. Not surprising I’m sure- the
weight came back on…and then some.
In all honesty, I didn’t even WANT to START this
journey. Well, I wanted to lose weight-
SURE, who doesn’t? I stood in front of
the mirror OFTEN, and despised what I’d done to myself. I was convinced that if I could lose weight
and *look* better, I’d like myself more.
The *sad* thing is, every attempt- and subsequent failure- just made me
despise myself even MORE…it was a vicious, never-seeming-to-end
cycle….resulting in yet another binge of mindless eating of whatever appealed
to me at the time. It was my
*punishment* of myself for having NO *willpower*, and for having such apathy
towards myself. FOOD, which I turned to
for some odd type of *comfort* was also my worst enemy, my worst critic, my
deepest shame, my biggest secret, my private hell, the ultimate bondage…because
the human body cannot be sustained withOUT FOOD…how do you “escape” this kind
of bondage?
I’d LOVE to tell you I have ALL the answers…Oh
brother…I’m sorry…I feel like I should have a sign tattooed across my forehead-
just do the OPPOSITE of what I do, and you’ll be fine.
I don’t have all the answers. At the end of my weight loss goal, I feel
like I have more QUESTIONS than answers myself. I’ve learned much, and the more I learn, the
LESS I think I KNOW anymore. I don’t
know SQUAT.
I want to ENcourage others, but I feel like such
a failure myself…I feel like UNTIL I get this whole thing down pat, and don’t
stumble and fail, ONLY then can I give any *advice* worth listening to- every
failure, every transgression just affirms to me that I am mocking the name of
the Lord I claim to serve…for in essence, I *feel* like my testimony only
PROVES to others who already MOCK HIM, that the God I serve is a puny little
god, and the power of the Twinkie is stronger than the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, maker
of heaven and earth. I am better off
keeping my mouth shut, and NOT bringing HIS name into my quest…because it seems
like my failures bring Him shame.
Except here’s the thing…these are all things I
*feel*, things I *think* every time I fail to do the right thing, the things
that flood my heart and mind every time I stumble and fall, and give into
temptation(s)…NONE of these thoughts are coming from the heart of my Savior,
Jesus Christ. These
accusations and condemnations and words of discouragement, shame and despair
are lies of the enemy to destroy me, to stop me, and to bring me back into
bondage from which HE paid to set me free.
HE has promised…with every step of obedience He
offers GRACE. With every transgression-
when I confess my sin- and come to HIM for restoration, that HE is faithful not
only to FORGIVE, but to cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness.
It isn’t a matter of whether or not I ever screw
it all up- it’s a guarantee that I will INDEED stumble and fall- but WHAT do I
do…WHEN ( not IF, WHEN) I do???
Do I run for cover, and hide from Him?
Or do I go running TO HIM, crying, saying,
“FATHER, I don’t WANT to keep doing this. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOUR GRACE, I seek Your mercy.”
The
greatest lesson I’ve learned out of this entire journey: I can’t trust my *feelings*….those are what
got me into this predicament in the FIRST place. I NEED to live on a deeper, more constant
plane than my temporal *feelings* (which
can CHANGE in a split second)… The ONLY
constant in MY life is the LORD- who doesn’t change. HE can be trusted. HE is faithFUL even when I
am completely faithLESS.
Which is why, no matter where I am in this
journey…UP or DOWN- I walk with HIM…and I seek to do it all FOR HIS GLORY…and
when I fall flat on my face, I STILL choose to get back UP and walk towards
HIM, taking HIS hand, seeking to have
HIM lead me, guide me, and be my strength.
And, after almost a year on this journey- looking
back- in retrospect-
Has it been *worth it?* Or, if there were such a thing as this
“magic pill” or fool proof formula-
Given a choice, which would I choose? Yep, that *easier way out* still could be
tempting.
But I’m glad I didn’t find an empty promise.
I’m grateful I took the LONGER, HARDER path…what I’ve learned about
HIM and how I’ve grown deeper in love with HIM because HE has walked beside me
in the deepest, darkest area of my life thus far….
And I’d have missed it. NOTHING can ever take this part of my life
away- I will never believe that lie ever again that HE doesn’t care about the
things that hurt me the deepest….HE has shown it in ways I can NEVER fully
explain because I haven’t even fully comprehended it myself.
All I know is I want to share this with the
people I love…I want to see them experience this type of freedom, to know this
SAVIOR, to walk with HIM…because what’s He’s done for me is special but I am
not in an exclusive club…HIS GRACE is open to ANYONE who comes to HIM, seeking
HIM, not just what He can do for them.
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