Brave

Posting this picture on my blog is probably the bravest thing I've done...maybe not in my whole life, but definitely in a long time.

This picture showed me at my heaviest.  360 pounds.  I look at this picture and shame still lingers.  Not even so much because of what I weighed but because of who I was then.  I was a person and a mom that I didn't like very much.  Looking back, I was rather lazy.  I rarely cooked dinner, I would only brush my hair when going places, I slept more than I was awake.  It was next to impossible for me to play with Micah at that point (he was one when I took this picture).  That summer was a low point in my life.  I was starting to isolate myself.  This picture proves it.  The only reason I was outside that particular August evening is because David asked me to walk with him.  I changed into my jeans, yet there I am, still wearing my green pajama shirt.  I have no idea why in the world I would have let a camera in David's hands that day, but there I am...pajama shirt and all.  This was a week before my weight loss journey started.  I was miserable.  Depressed.  Imprisioned.

I was about to be set free!

Here it is 6 years later.  I weigh 312.8 as of this morning.  The weight does not come off easy for me, but I've been persistent.  If I stop trying, it's not for long.  I play with my kids.  I smile.  And most days I change out of my pajamas!  I cook dinner for my family---and sometimes even for other people!  I'm no longer ashamed of the junk I eat, because I'm feeding myself nutritious, delicious food.  I'm making a difference in the world by volunteering with MOPS and at my church, and I'm no longer isolating myself, rather I'm opening a window into my world by allowing friendships to blossom and my story to be read on my blog.

I refuse to give up.  I will never stop fighting.  I will see my success, no matter how slow, as victory.  I will praise God for standing next to me each step of the way.  I will thank Him for all the friends and support He has showered me with.  I will live as a living sacrifice, learning to treat my body the way God intended for me to treat it...with care and respect.

And that's really all I wanted to say about that today! :0)