Callings, plans, and prayers

It was about a year ago that I had a great idea placed in my lap from my dear writing group friends.  "Hey, why don't we all try to write  50 thousand words and form a  novel for National Novel Writing Month?"  I threw myself in completely and wrote with a passion that I had never felt before.  Each day, I would ignore house work, drink ridiculous amounts of coffee, and write until my vision blurred and my fingers bled.  I was a writer.  Even more than that...I was an author.

Within months, I had a publisher, and shortly after that I had a book.  It was so fast, so miraculous, and to be quite honest, even though the days felt hard, it was easy...really easy.

So, here I sit with less than a month before "NaNoWriMo" starts, and I'm committing to writing again.  I am not delusional enough to believe this time will be easy.  I know I'm working this year and my schedule is tighter.  I know I'm more intimidated this year (especially as I've learned more about the publishing process).  And truthfully, I'm just simply more"in the know" this year.  There is truth in the old adage "ignorance is bliss."

Last year, NaNoWriMo was blissful for me.  This year, I'm fully anticipating a battle.  But, I'm a strong person and a brave writer.  I have a message welling up inside me that I need to share.

But, the question I want to ask you is are you supposed to be joining me?  One of my favorite quotes is from Crystal Evans, "Some readers will only hear, understand and accept certain things when they read it in your words, from your perspective, written in your voice.  We were each created by God to do our part.  And if we fail to do it because we don't think it's valuable enough, great loss will be suffered.  Someone, somewhere, needs you---in all of your uniqueness---to step up to the plate of your calling."

Powerful stuff.  Things to pray over.  I'm asking God to clearly lead you to your voice, you mission---because he may just have a story stored up in your heart.

Please, leave a comment if you are considering writing for the month of November.  I want to pray with and for you.  And, if you are not feeling that calling, will you please partner with me in prayer?

BLOCK PARTY!

I want to be an awesome neighbor.

I love my little town and I feel a passion for living in a purposeful way to connect with my neighbors, friends, and loved ones.  I want to know my neighbors' favorite dinners, their dogs' names, and their birthdays.  I want to encourage them, wave at them, cook for them, and help them have happier days.  As soon as someone moves into a house I can see from my front or back porch, I develop an automatic affection for them.  They become "my people."

But, I'm learning as time goes on that being a good neighbor is sort of...weird.

And the last thing I want is for my neighbors to call me the "weird lady in the yellow house."

When we first moved into this neighborhood, we had an automatic connection with two other families.  We were all homeschooling, stay at home moms.  Our kids were all around the same age, and they played together for hours a day, and since the children were so young and needed adult supervision, we three moms usually had many hours of summer chit chat in a day. 

Now a days, those neighbors live in different houses, and my status as a homeschooling mom has changed.  Most of the houses around me have new occupants, and I'm not even sure I really know some of my neighbors names.  And while I'm still at home, I'm a working mom, spending 10 hours a day caring for other people's children and the rest of the day caring for mine  (oh, and writing at naptime!).  Physically getting outside of my home with two toddlers and a baby takes work and planning, and everyone else has work and plans too.  Life is hard.  Being a good neighbor is tough.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...I wish being friendly didn't seem so foreign in our culture.  I wish that being kind and inviting someone into your home didn't seem like such a risk. 

But, I'm a pretty brave girl, and I don't mind taking risks.  So, in a few weeks, I'm going to take a big one---I'm having a block party!  I tried it once, and it went okay.  I'm attempting again, and I hope that it will be awesome!  (I'm an optimist, what can I say?!)  So, my dear readers...I need input...If your neighbors were having a block party, what would you want there?  Any ideas, suggestion, and input are welcome and valued!  I just want to be a blessing to those we live around! 

Be You Bravely

                It’s not a metaphor.  I quite literally will not take the plunge.  At least a half a dozen times I’ve stood at the side of the pool, imagining what it would feel like to let myself step off the edge, and plunge deep into the waters.  I know logically, I have nothing to fear.  My body, naturally buoyant, would float.  Anyways, my husband or my friends are always there, ready to help me if something should happen and I start to drown.  I let me own children do it, over and over again, yet there is something about it holding me back.  I have thought about the fact that it may hurt, just physically jumping off the side, but pain has never held me back much.

                Even though there’s a part of me that is ashamed of myself for not allowing myself to just go for it, there is another part of me that says---if this was a metaphor, it would be a lie.  I am brave, fearless, heroic, and courageous.   I take risks.  I do dive in, metaphorically, anyways.

                I am living a transparent life, where I am in no way pretending I’m perfect.  Anyone who reads my blog or follows my Facebook page or comes in contact with me knows that I’m just a girl who loves Jesus very much who is trying to do the right thing, while being unsure of myself and how to overcome my sins.  I’m someone who tries to boldly extend grace, just the way it has been given to me.  Deep in my heart, I know my own convictions, and I do my best to live the way God has called me to.  That is rare and few people are honest enough to live life this way.  I am brave.

                Every morning, I wake up a woman who is prone to anxiety.  I get worked up about everything---from mice to nuclear bombs and spiritual warfare.  One of my first thoughts every morning is “I can’t believe I made it alive to live another day.”  I constantly wonder if I may die and what would happen to my children and husband and parents.  Who would ever love them the way I do?  I feel my heart race and my palms turn clammy and cold as my mind imagines what it feels like as death overtakes your body.  Yeah, I know I’m morbid, but these are my thoughts.  This is my reality.  I face and refute these fears every day, with the truth of God’s word.  So, even though I face fear nearly every moment of my life, I am indeed fearless.

                I love people.  I risk getting my heart broken everyday by juggling many valuable relationships.   I try to encourage, help, and hug whenever I can.  I overlook offenses that cause others to demand worldly justice. I also care for other women’s children day in and day out.  I keep those babies safe, hug them, love them, wipe their spit off of me, and carefully clean their bottoms.  I comfort them while their mommies are out changing the world in their own particular ways.  I’ve taken what most would consider a menial job and made it a passion, my mission.  In a world that often gives way to isolation, I’m committed to befriending, loving, forgiving, and caring for people.  Because of this, I am heroic.

                So, maybe the next time I go to the pool, I’ll jump off the side.  But, chances are, I never will.  And I’m mostly okay with that.  Because, I’m no coward.  I’m a bold woman who faces one risk after another day after day---and let’s face it---I can’t do everything.

               

                

The Bear and The Crow

Yesterday, on the radio, I heard this amazing story about a grizzly bear rescuing a crow from drowning.  (To confirm the story, I looked it up, and sure enough on YouTube, you can watch the story unfold.)  The crow is cawing, loudly, frantically---and the bear calmly swoops the bird out with its big, powerful paw.  He then walks away and eats an apple.
When the announcer finished telling the story, I shut the radio off and processed what I had just heard. I felt my eyes swell with tears.  A grizzly bear is an animal prone to aggression.  A crow is an annoying bird.  But, the bear had enough compassion to save the bird. 
A bear.  A bird.
But what about people?  
We were created to love and be loved.
How can you help someone today?  Maybe hold that critical tongue of yours in check? Maybe, without making a judgement call, you give that man standing outside of Wal-Mart with the sign a bag of bananas, crackers, cheese, and water?  Perhaps you can call and pray with a friend who you have been overlooking lately.
As Christians, we are called to be compassionate people.  Has your compassion be hidden?  Life is fresh when you live compassionately.   It's the antidote to selfishness.  It's the demonstration of love.  And I know if a grizzly bear can be kind to a crow, that you, a child of God empowered by the Holy Spirit, can encourage...possibly even rescue...one of your fellow humans today. 

From Colossians 3:12-14

12 Since you have been chosen by God who has given you this new kind of life, and because of his deep love and concern for you, you should practice tenderhearted mercy and kindness to others. Don’t worry about making a good impression on them, but be ready to suffer quietly and patiently. 13 Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.14 Most of all, let love guide your life, for then the whole church will stay together in perfect harmony.

Return from a Non-Eternal Summer

Oh, my blogspot---how I've missed you!
It's been a summer full of foreign exchange students, VBS, two mini stay-cations, the summer reading program, the release of my book and playing with my kids.  It's been wonderful.  Happy.  Messy.  Fun.  Exhausting.  Yeah, all of those.

Thankfully, a well timed "Grammy Camp" has arrived.  One week.  I have one whole week without children to refuel my mind and body, to make my house look like a home again, and to start diving head first into writing book #2.

A week feels incredibly long today.  However, on Friday afternoon, I know I'll be wondering where all the time went.

I have so much more to say, but I have my list sitting next to me...begging for completion.  I hope to blog every day this week...just to get back into the habit. I miss this. It's part of who I am.

Post a comment and let me know how you've been!  I've missed you all!

Truth and Bravery

Over Memorial Day weekend, my family and I joined a group of wonderful people for a picnic.  While we were there, the topic of my phobia of animals came up.  I no longer hide behind my fear of rodents (specifically) and other animals.  In fact, sometimes I openly broadcast it, so as to avoid any incidents of me all but blacking out because of a chinchilla (true story!)  Anyways, as the banter continued about what animals would send me into a frenzy, one woman shared how she had to be the one who would capture the bats that would come into their home.  Her husband would tuck the covers all around himself in their bed, while she took a flyswatter to stun the bat and then release him back into the wild.

The entire time she was recounting her various escapades of bat conquering, I stared at her in amazement.  How did she do it?  How did she become so brave?  I felt like such a weak woman compared to her.  Honestly, I felt that all my fears that have paralyzed me for years made me feel incomplete.  I felt shame and I felt that my husband was shortchanged ending up with me as his wife.

Looking back at that reflection, I'm confronted by many truths.  First of all, I'm only judging myself.  I have no problem with that woman's husband being scared enough of bats that he wraps himself in a blanket.  I expect more of myself that I would ever expect of anyone else.  I'm not very kind to my sensitive spirit at times.  I've decided I'm going to work on that.

The other truth didn't hit me until just the other day.  I was explaining to an acquaintance about our summer schedule.  We are hosting back to back students---teenagers---from foreign countries.  When I share with her our summer plans, her eyes began to grow larger.  Her head shook back and forth, as if I was crazed and delusional.  And I recognized the open mouth stare---it was the stare I had given to the woman who was not afraid of bats.

The woman shaking her head at me was amazed that I would even considering doing such a thing.

The other truth I'm confronted with is that while full of trepidation in some areas, I'm fearless in others.  I know some people who struggle to even invite someone over for dinner---and here I am opening my home to people from foreign countries for weeks on end.  

I never realized that makes me brave.

But, it does.

I may not be able to see a rat without my heart racing, or touch a stray kitten...but I'm not afraid of putting my heart on the line and opening my home.  I am brave.  

And I'm not letting my fears define me anymore.  I'm learning to pet dogs, admire cats, and I even watched a chipmunk for a few minutes the other day---just because I knew it was good for me.  To top it off, I traveled to Wagon Trails park with Lydia's class the other day and I rode through herds of animals.  I did it bravely, happily---because I refuse to let my fears control me.

Here's some proof-----

The lesson behind all this is not for me to brag and tell you how I've conquered my fears.

No---the thing I want you to pull away is that God is working through me---even though I've limited myself for years.  He wants me---YOU---to enjoy life abundantly.  You do not have to live captive to your fears. 

I'm learning to let them go, step by step.  Each day, I wake up and I find myself challenging myself a little more.  I want YOU to experience that joy as well!

And I want you to remember, that no matter what you may be held back by...you probably have something in your life that other people think you are incredibly brave for too! 

This week has been a very encouraging one for me---and I hope that you will be encouraged as well!  

Good

God is so good.  I can not say that enough.  Seriously.
Despite the fact that I'm on day 12 of the never-ending cold---God is so good.
Even though my five year old is still crying when I drop her off at preschool---and it's almost the end of the year---God is so good.
God is so good---though my husband is working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and I miss his face like crazy most of the time.
For every problem I'm facing, every struggle that is perplexing me, and every hardship around the corner, I'm consistently reminded of the goodness of my loving Father.

And I'm finding those reminders in God's Word.

Last week, I needed energy---I needed hope---in the worst way.  My friend Tammy and I sat on my back deck (while people from the gas company were in my house detecting CO and trying to locate a gas leak...what fun....) and God gave me the most amazing verse to get me through the week.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."  (Isaiah 39:29)  HELLO!  AMAZING!!!  I give God's powerful word the credit for getting me through some tough times last week!  Hallelujah!

This week---and the weeks ahead---we face the unknown diagnosis of our five year old.  Test after test---and specialized doctors and traveling to a city nearly 80 miles away just for some answers.  But, I remember that  God's word tells me in Psalms 118:8
"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man."  And just a few verses before that---"In my anguish I cried to the Lord and he answered me by setting me free."  (v. 5)

God is good.  His Word is my strength.  I will call on God...I will cry to Him...and He will be our ultimate answer.  It's devastating not knowing what is going on with Lydia and it's worrisome not knowing if or when she will have another seizure---or what is causing them---but I trust God.  I know he will carry us through.

And I know this post sounds repetitive.  But, right now that is what my life is.  The same battles every day.  And the same answers each day too...God's word.

I'm not writing this to preach to you.  I'm writing this to remind me.  Because some days I wake up, and I think I have to do it all on my own.  But, I don't.  God's there.  His Word is ready to speak to me. and I just need to listen.  That is where I am today.  And I'm guessing since I'm feeling led to write this---that I'm not the only one.  I believe the answers we need are in the Bible.  What situations are you facing?  Do you believe that God's Word is powerful enough to help you get though?  I hope so friend!  Because God loves you, he cares deeply about what ails you, and the truth is waiting in that thick, often dust covered book.