Thursday, February 6, 2014

I have peace---even though I look like THIS.

For the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study we were challenged to write about making peace with our bodies.  Along this struggle, this was one of the first challenges I had to combat.  After all, it's really hard to care lovingly for a body you hate.  Stop and think about that for a minute.  If you despise the way you look, is it not harder to care for yourself?  It is.  Trust me.

Now, I have a double edged sword to deal with here.  While I've never liked the way my body has been shaped, my body has never been shaped any differently.  I've always been overweight.  I remember a promise of a doll I really wanted if I could lose twenty pounds.  I think I was five at the time.  I never got that doll. Yeah.  Wrap your head around that one.

 Anyways, the tricky part about it is, while I've never known any different, and I don't like being fat, I've never experienced the freedom of a healthy weight.

So, before this journey began, I did not have peace.  But, I wasn't in constant turmoil either.

Well, I didn't have constant turmoil until my journey began.  Let's look at a few pictures that show my body at the beginning, middle, and now.
This is me at my heaviest.  360 pounds.  

And here is me about at 60 pounds lost.  (300 pounds)

These are bootcamp pictures.  They were roughly about 335 to 315ish in pounds.

I am down approximately ten more pounds since that picture around Christmas time.  But, obviously, my body is still large.  Do I look slightly better?  Yes.  I think I do.  But, the fact of the matter is that if I walk into a room, I'm still always the fattest person there.  And since I'm short, my fat is all out there.  You know what I mean?  There's no hiding it with the right outfit or standing at the right angle.  I'm fat.  Just plain fat. And there's no denying it.  

But you know what?
I'm okay with how I look. 
Please, don't try not to gasp.  You can.  Sometimes I can't believe it either.  
I'm not saying that I like the way my belly hangs over my legs.    I am not crazy about my tricep jelly.  And my feet will forever always be too wide for my liking.  But---I've truly made peace with how I look.

Here's why.  This journey is not about "not being fat" for me.  It's about being healthy and living long and serving God the best I can.

One night I told David that if I was healthier and as long as I could buy clothes from cheaper stores I would not fret about "looking fat" for the rest of my life.  I truly just want to be healthy.  And I know that my body is getting healthier. And that gives me peace.


  1. Your words blessed me today! The peace you describe is so sweet and I applaud your healthy journey. Blessings, Mary!

  2. I love this post! I can feel your peace through your words. I pray God continues to guide you on your journey!

  3. Sarah Rose, I just adore you! You inspired me a few years ago and you continue to do so today. You look fabulous! And I mean that! Keep on your journey to be healthy and at peace, that's what it's all about. Otherwise, even if/when all the weight you could ever want to lose comes off, you are still left with what's inside. If it's not peace now, it won't be peace then. So thankful you found that peace from God. Much Love,

    1. Thank you Melissa. I'm forever grateful for Proverbs 31 and for YOU!!!

  4. I have always had a battle with my body and I struggle to accept it every day. Your post was very refreshing and I could relate to many things you said.

  5. LOVE LOVE LOVE! <3 You are beautiful and you are HONEST AND REAL! That's what its all about! Keep up the wonderful work!

  6. Girl, you rock! And you look great too, inside AND out!

  7. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I think you look great! Congrats on your accomplishments. I am so happy you have peace.

  8. Thank you for sharing your story. Very encouraging!

  9. Yeah Sarah! I'm proud of you for your great attitude! I, too, have never liked my body, but I did come to accept it. For me that made it harder to travel this journey to health... But God has said "Go!" and I don't want to be like Jonah and say "No!" I don't want to be in the belly of that big fish ;)
    Praise God, He helps me follow His will - or I'd haven given up months ago!

  10. Thank you for just being YOU! You not only are a wonderful person and sister of our heavenly Papa, but you are one of my sweetest and favorite friends.
    Thank you for going out of your way to make me feel comfortable today and getting me to 'un-hibernate' for a few hours. I really did need it.

    You are such a great inspiration and you always know how to give me a different perspective on the topic at hand.

    MANY blessings to you and your wonderful family! May you continue to be blessed as much as you bless others.

  11. Sarah ~ Thank you for being vulnerable and transparent here with us. You are an inspiration and I know your words are going to help many women. Keep seeking Him, sister! I love how you are finding true peace in Him and I love how you are moving forward determined to get healthier! I'm cheering for you, sister! You were made for victory! You are an overcomer! So honored to have you as part of our OBS community! Blessings ~ Shelly (OBS Blog Hop Team)

  12. Thank you for sharing and I think you are so beautiful and being healthy is what it is about, not a pants size. For me, I am short (4'10) and overweight for me on charts is 125 lbs! But, if I get below 125 (like the chart says I should be...109-115) I look sick. So I have always decided that as long as I am eating healthy and exercising that is what matters. I can't weigh what the charts tell me to b/c I look sickly and quite frankly wouldn't be able to to really eat much of anything! I am overweight a lot more, now at 165 but I see myself as beautiful too. I realized being skinny doesn't define me, being healthy, taking care of what God gave me and and loving God does. So thank you for your words and being real with us....I did not gasp when you said, "I'm okay with how I look." I did not gasp because you a beautiful person inside and out!

  13. Sarah I completely undestand what your sayin , I remember every childhood memory with you and lisa I was always so inambered with you two , your stength the whole world could've stopped spining but you two would chrissy itss ok with those, big spirit lifting smiles of yours . I personnally think your already think your perfect can't fix what isn't broken god makes us how he wants us to fit the journey we suppost to take.... I love you more then I guess I have ever said before. Your beautiful sweetie just the way you are...I. remember your wedding day as if it waS yesterday, lol that smile wow took my breathe away poor david thought he was gonna pass out... (sigh)..your perfect,I love you..

  14. "If you despise the way you look, is it not harder to care for yourself?" true is that statement?! It's so hard to find any motivation when you're too busy hating on yourself!! This was an amazing post Sarah!! Thank you so much for your words, your vulnerability, your courage and your strength. Totally blessed me today :) Blessings to you sister!!

    Trish (OBS Blog Hop Team)