Oh, growing up is just so very hard to do. Especially, when I'm technically supposed to be all grown up.
I find that my life, just like everyone else's, seems to have seasons, just like nature. Right now, my season is simplicity.
I'm focusing on just a few things, and making sure I'm doing them well. I'm working on being a wife, mom, daughter, friend, and babysitter. I'm devoting myself to finishing out my MOPS career strong, and still building friendships with the new moms who come in, even though their duration may be brief. And, I'm really, carefully, thoughtfully committing myself to be more intentional with relationships and self care.
To accomplish this, I have discovered, I have to cut back on commitments. How can I enjoy one thing, if I'm worried about being late for the next thing? Or If I feel like socializing just keeps me from accomplishing tasks? The fact of the matter is, I couldn't. So, right after Thanksgiving, I began to change some things in my life, and I just have to share with you, they are working!
My to do list has always been a very important part of my day, but now it's even more vital. It is carefully thought out and helps me stay on task, instead of sending me running around all day long. And I always make sure I write things to make me more present on my to do list everyday. "Call ______, just to check in." "Eat breakfast, and enjoy it." "Read stories with the kids." "Write a letter to ______ just to let her know that you are on her mind." Being intentional takes discipline. And, right now, I still need the validation on my to do list that doing all these little things matters.
I have cut a lot out of my life lately. Commitments all across the board, so that when I say yes to something, I can give it my all, and not just what is left over from the other seventeen things I'm already wrapped up in. Saying goodbye to so many things has been difficult. Everything I have been involved in, I consider worthwhile. And, not seeing my friends as often has been challenging, however, living this way is really teaching me how good life can be.
How my house doesn't have to be teetering on the brink of disaster. How a book can feel so amazingly good in my hands. How Monopoly or Parcheesi with my family can be the highlight of my day. And, how I can actually have time to have a long conversation on the phone with a friend or aunt or whoever without feeling guilty about ignoring everything I "should have" been doing during that time.
I was able to go to my Gramma's the other day and spend precious time with her while she was teaching me to run the sewing machine. And, I have been able to practice sight words with Lydia. And actually pay attention to Micah while he shows me the hundreds of comics he draws throughout the week. And, sometimes, if the cards fall just right, I even get to sit down next to my husband, look him in the eyes, hold his hand and smile at him. Seriously, it's amazing.
I struggle with not wanting to punish myself for the years that I have over-scheduled and over-commited myself. But, like I said before, life is a season. And, it just took me several seasons to get it. It feels good to embrace simplicity. To enjoy people. And not to live under the tyranny of the urgent.