Monday, October 28, 2013

Too much...

I don't mean to be too much.
I know I'm too loud, and I get too excited, and I love too many people.
But, I never mean to be too much.

This morning, during my prayer time, while I'm trying to focus on God, all I can hear are voices from my past telling me I'm too much.  My passion for life has always been a loud passion.  I've always desired to be quieter, but the harder I try to fight against my natural inclination, the louder I get.  The more "too much" I get.  I've heard this message from many people in my life, from people who I love, who I trust, whose message to me has sunk in deeper than I realized.

Feeling like I'm too much, really makes me wonder if I'm enough.

I'm three days out from embarking on this journey of writing my book.  (Well, I've already started, but the month of November is devoted to this book).  Maybe my dreams are too big, and I will fail?

I'm nearly three years into a devoted weight loss effort.  I've lost fifty pounds, but I'm still too much when it comes to what I weigh.  Maybe my dreams are too big, and I will fail?

I'm thirty years in to a life that I hope reflects Christ, and my dream of serving him wholeheartedly my entire life.  However, I still sin daily, and some sins have too much of a hold on my heart for me to move forward it seems.  Maybe my dreams are too big, and I will fail?

But, what if the reason some people see me as too much is because my dreams are not too big?  What if God's words is true in Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  What if God has called me to be brave and do these great things I keep hoping for?  And what if, only through the power of Christ, I can accomplish the dreams God has set in my heart?  What if my dreams are exactly what God has planted in my heart and He can lead them to fruition.

I'm making a very specific effort to focus in on what God has to say about me today.  Because those other voices telling me I'm not enough or I'm too much are very loud right now.  Instead, I need to listen to the Holy Spirit's whisper and trust that God made me just right, just enough, just perfect for the plan He has set before me.

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