More than that---I needed to believe that God loved me enough---despite my short comings---to still want to cleanse me.
Let me start with an email I had sent to my friend Sandy the other day....I keep struggling with the LIE that God loves me more the less I weigh. Or that somehow the lower my weight the higher my level of spirituality or something. I know those are lies, but they creep in and sabotage my heart. Thank you for speaking truth to me.
Sandy had sent me a beautiful excerpt from Made to Crave about how God loves me no matter what I weigh. Her timing had been impeccable and the words she sent me soothed my tired spirit. When I responded back to her, I realized that truthfully, I felt like I had to earn God's love by adhering to a strict eating plan or the more I exercised, God would become more proud of me. When I responded to her, I realized that I was toeing the line of living a life of phony self righteousness and not a life filled with beautiful grace.
Because life has been so hectic with Lydia's concussion and testing, I had not had a lot of time to sit down and ponder that. So last night when we sat down to study the verse in 2 Corinthians that says in our weakness Christ is shown strong and how his grace and favor is all we need---it's enough, my heart was stirred.
Should I strive to obey God and his calling to healthy eating in my life? Absolutely! It's God's best for me. That's the very best thing about life on earth---living sacrificially to demonstrate our respect for God. But, I realized that somehow in my mind the wires had gotten crossed. I was making my obedience to God the basis of His love for me. And that, my friends, is a LIE!
God loves me whether I eat a stack of bacon and pancakes for breakfast, a hamburger for lunch, and an entire pizza for dinner. God loves me when I eat an egg white omelette in the morning, a salad at noon, and grilled chicken for dinner. He LOVES me no matter what.
And despite how I feel, God's grace isn't going to dry up. I often feel as I ask for forgiveness that God will say, "Well, Sarah Rose, you have used up your last chance. No more grace for you." I'M SO GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT HAPPENING. God's word tells me his grace is enough---it's sufficient. It's abundant. And while I would never want to abuse that grace, I can rest assured that it's waiting for me when I need it.
And here's the great part. The grace, forgiveness and acceptance that I've been writing about is waiting for YOU too. God has so much grace that He's waiting to pour out on you. He wants the BEST for your life too! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't share that this grace is for YOU TOO!!!
On a final note, I want to thank YOU---my readers---You all have been so supportive with my admission of my scale woes. In fact, the grace that was demonstrated from my readers was earthly proof of the grace of God. It's been amazing and freeing to be honest about what happened in January. Since I wrote about that, my weight has dropped down to 313. Apparently, sometimes, holding on to an emotional weight like that can literally add pounds on in real life. But I know, that God's love for me did not grow just because the scale dropped six pounds. No, he already loved me the most he could!
In conclusion, I pray that you will ask God to show you just how abundant his grace is---and how it's all you and I need. His grace is enough.