Well...last time I wrote I was weighing my boot camp continuation options. It was not an easy decision for me, but I decided to take a break and not continue on with the next four weeks of boot camp. I'm not ruling them out forever, just not right now.
As much as I love pushing myself, and seeing myself do things that I never thought I could, I've also been learning a little bit about being gentle and kind to myself, and cutting myself a little bit of slack during more stressful times in my life.
I want to assure all of you out there who consistently cheer me on, that I'm not giving up. I'm just continuing to pursue my weight loss at a more moderate rate right now.
See, as much as I love the progress I've seen with boot camp, I know that I can not continue to work out over 6 hours a week and still be productive while being a wife, a mom to two, a "nanny" to two, working a 3rd shift job on the the weekends, plus juggle responsibilities for church, caring for two households, and still have time for friends, family, and rest and relaxation...and maybe even a little summer fun.
I plan on continuing to cut more and more extras out of my life so that come fall working out can be my job again. I have been saying "no" left and right and zeroing in on what I feel are the most important things in my life...but I'm telling you even cutting things down to the "bare bones" I'm a busy gal, with a lot of responsibilities.
I am thankful for how much David has stepped up and picked up my slack around the house the last few weeks when I had nothing else to give.
So, I'm confident I made the right decision! I'm so thankful for the four weeks of boot camp that I have, and how it has jump started me and definitely moved me in the right direction, but I know that I'm wisely setting limits for what I can handle right now too. And I think, in my mind that qualifies as growth too.
See, when I think of the root of my obesity, the root of my food addiction and my eating disorder, it always was centered on me taking a back seat to whatever other people wanted, and then me consoling myself with food. I *think* I'm getting stronger than that now. I know it will be something I will always struggle with, but I've found it to be very freeing to be able to say, "I'm sorry I can't do that, but thank you for thinking of me." And then, I'm not stressed about what I just agreed to, and I am not soothing myself with something fried, greasy, and loaded with everything bad for me. Does that make sense?
So, here is my next thought: I would have never been able to name those triggers without Made to Crave by Lysa Teurkerst. If you are local to my area, and are interested in studying this book with me and many other amazing women, please consider coming. We are meeting on Mondays at 6:30pm throughout the summer. This is one thing that I felt God was encouraging me to say YES to! This one book has highlighted the things God has said about food in the Bible, and about our cravings and has condensed them in a way that I can apply them to my life. I've grown so much in my two times studying it before, and I've loved the way I've grown, so I'm going back for a third time!
So, for now, I'm going to go and pedal for another 5 miles! I'm then going to go read and pray. And I'm going to thank God for the next seven days...my last seven days of boot camp. I'm planning on working as hard as I can those days...I have a goal in mind of where I want to be at the end. (309!) But, when those days are finished, I will resume a healthy eating pattern (that includes many more veggies, since my love for them has grown!) with a nice active lifestyle, but I'm toning down the intensity just for a bit, so I can regroup.
I still have a pretty aggressive goal for the summer. My first MAJOR goal is 299, and I'm hoping to be there by the middle of July! So, friends, thanks for being amazing support, and please, continue to uphold me in prayer and cheer me on. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm ready to get the job done! :)