Ah, I'm down to under 48 hours for my final weigh in for my bootcamp! This morning, I woke up, after basically crying myself to sleep last night, not in the greatest mood.
Despite wrapping up bootcamp, and being on stay-cation from work, I still feel completely overwhelmed. I feel badly even feeling overwhelmed, since God is working details out in every area of my life...from weightloss...to finances...to teaching me about saying 'no." But, you know, our emotions are what they are, and it should come as no shock that I'm a bit raw right now.
Anyways, that was a bit of a digression...
So, this morning, I woke up with my nose still stuffy, and my eyes still burning from my tear-filled sleep. And, I just knew, that despite how I felt I needed to pick up the Bible and read.
Here's what I think is awesome about God's word. Sometimes you need to read 3 or 4 chapters to understand what God is trying to teach you for the day...but then other times, all you have to do it look down and BOOM! There it is! One sentence...it wasn't even a full verse...but it was the truth I needed spoken into my life for today.
"Get up and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you." Luke 22:46b. God knew about how I've been fretting over my desired "309." He knew how much I've been longing for a s'more. He knew how badly I wanted to stay in bed today. But, instead, through His word, He told me to get up and pray! Now, as of yet, I haven't spent a significant amount of time in prayer...but I've been whispering quick breaths of prayer to help me stay strong. "Please, help me enjoy these carrots I'm eating for breakfast...Please, help me bike this last mile...please send encouragement my way Lord." Little prayers, said through huffs and puffs of exercise, or groaning as I move on to my next task of the day...
So, the Lord has sustained me today.
And for the last 26 days.
And really for the last 29 years.
I think, maybe, just maybe, this was the BIG lesson I am going to take away from boot camp. The Lord sustains us. He keeps us strong when there is no other way. It's a really amazing thing when you think about it. There's no way I would have been successful at Garry and Debbie's wedding without the Lord. I do not know anyone who could resist Debbie's amazing dishes without help from the Lord! I know there is no way I can bike 15 miles on my recumbent bike (especially after a bootcamp workout!) without the Lord's help. I know that without the prayers Missy and I prayed last Thursday that biking Ernst trail probably would have been a disaster!
So, I'm so grateful for the Lord walking beside me each step of the way!
I've said it once...and I'll say it again...I HAVE NO IDEA HOW PEOPLE DO BOOT CAMP WITHOUT GOD'S HELP! :)
Well, to close this post out, I just want to share one awesome thing that happened today. Today is my last day to work out before my big weigh in! I need to take tomorrow off so I am not retaining any water in my legs from heavy workouts. So, anyways, I'm planning on doing 15 miles on my bike today. I broke them up into two 7.5 mile segments so that I can keep my metabolism revved up today. But, I thought for a warm up, I would do a workout tape that does some light lifting and cardio mixed. So, I was really going at this workout, doing shoulder presses, and all of the sudden I realized that my pants were down around my ankles!!! I thought they may fall off Tuesday when I was working out, but they stayed put, so I figured I was good to go today. I was wrong! And here's the best part...I was so determined to get a full set of shoulder presses in, I kept working out until I finished my set! So, there my pants were, at my ankles, and I was just busting those presses out! I'm sure it was a sight to see, and I'm thankful that no one except Lydia came into my room while I was working out. I'm also thankful that our DVD player broke and I had to work out in my bedroom, because who knows what could have been seen through our downstairs windows! HAHAHA!
I'll probably check in on Sunday or Monday after my weigh in to let you know about my final results. As always, thanks for reading. I love reading your comments, so if you've been toying with leaving a comment, please do!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Last Seven Days...
Well...last time I wrote I was weighing my boot camp continuation options. It was not an easy decision for me, but I decided to take a break and not continue on with the next four weeks of boot camp. I'm not ruling them out forever, just not right now.
As much as I love pushing myself, and seeing myself do things that I never thought I could, I've also been learning a little bit about being gentle and kind to myself, and cutting myself a little bit of slack during more stressful times in my life.
I want to assure all of you out there who consistently cheer me on, that I'm not giving up. I'm just continuing to pursue my weight loss at a more moderate rate right now.
See, as much as I love the progress I've seen with boot camp, I know that I can not continue to work out over 6 hours a week and still be productive while being a wife, a mom to two, a "nanny" to two, working a 3rd shift job on the the weekends, plus juggle responsibilities for church, caring for two households, and still have time for friends, family, and rest and relaxation...and maybe even a little summer fun.
I plan on continuing to cut more and more extras out of my life so that come fall working out can be my job again. I have been saying "no" left and right and zeroing in on what I feel are the most important things in my life...but I'm telling you even cutting things down to the "bare bones" I'm a busy gal, with a lot of responsibilities.
I am thankful for how much David has stepped up and picked up my slack around the house the last few weeks when I had nothing else to give.
So, I'm confident I made the right decision! I'm so thankful for the four weeks of boot camp that I have, and how it has jump started me and definitely moved me in the right direction, but I know that I'm wisely setting limits for what I can handle right now too. And I think, in my mind that qualifies as growth too.
See, when I think of the root of my obesity, the root of my food addiction and my eating disorder, it always was centered on me taking a back seat to whatever other people wanted, and then me consoling myself with food. I *think* I'm getting stronger than that now. I know it will be something I will always struggle with, but I've found it to be very freeing to be able to say, "I'm sorry I can't do that, but thank you for thinking of me." And then, I'm not stressed about what I just agreed to, and I am not soothing myself with something fried, greasy, and loaded with everything bad for me. Does that make sense?
So, here is my next thought: I would have never been able to name those triggers without Made to Crave by Lysa Teurkerst. If you are local to my area, and are interested in studying this book with me and many other amazing women, please consider coming. We are meeting on Mondays at 6:30pm throughout the summer. This is one thing that I felt God was encouraging me to say YES to! This one book has highlighted the things God has said about food in the Bible, and about our cravings and has condensed them in a way that I can apply them to my life. I've grown so much in my two times studying it before, and I've loved the way I've grown, so I'm going back for a third time!
So, for now, I'm going to go and pedal for another 5 miles! I'm then going to go read and pray. And I'm going to thank God for the next seven days...my last seven days of boot camp. I'm planning on working as hard as I can those days...I have a goal in mind of where I want to be at the end. (309!) But, when those days are finished, I will resume a healthy eating pattern (that includes many more veggies, since my love for them has grown!) with a nice active lifestyle, but I'm toning down the intensity just for a bit, so I can regroup.
I still have a pretty aggressive goal for the summer. My first MAJOR goal is 299, and I'm hoping to be there by the middle of July! So, friends, thanks for being amazing support, and please, continue to uphold me in prayer and cheer me on. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm ready to get the job done! :)
As much as I love pushing myself, and seeing myself do things that I never thought I could, I've also been learning a little bit about being gentle and kind to myself, and cutting myself a little bit of slack during more stressful times in my life.
I want to assure all of you out there who consistently cheer me on, that I'm not giving up. I'm just continuing to pursue my weight loss at a more moderate rate right now.
See, as much as I love the progress I've seen with boot camp, I know that I can not continue to work out over 6 hours a week and still be productive while being a wife, a mom to two, a "nanny" to two, working a 3rd shift job on the the weekends, plus juggle responsibilities for church, caring for two households, and still have time for friends, family, and rest and relaxation...and maybe even a little summer fun.
I plan on continuing to cut more and more extras out of my life so that come fall working out can be my job again. I have been saying "no" left and right and zeroing in on what I feel are the most important things in my life...but I'm telling you even cutting things down to the "bare bones" I'm a busy gal, with a lot of responsibilities.
I am thankful for how much David has stepped up and picked up my slack around the house the last few weeks when I had nothing else to give.
So, I'm confident I made the right decision! I'm so thankful for the four weeks of boot camp that I have, and how it has jump started me and definitely moved me in the right direction, but I know that I'm wisely setting limits for what I can handle right now too. And I think, in my mind that qualifies as growth too.
See, when I think of the root of my obesity, the root of my food addiction and my eating disorder, it always was centered on me taking a back seat to whatever other people wanted, and then me consoling myself with food. I *think* I'm getting stronger than that now. I know it will be something I will always struggle with, but I've found it to be very freeing to be able to say, "I'm sorry I can't do that, but thank you for thinking of me." And then, I'm not stressed about what I just agreed to, and I am not soothing myself with something fried, greasy, and loaded with everything bad for me. Does that make sense?
So, here is my next thought: I would have never been able to name those triggers without Made to Crave by Lysa Teurkerst. If you are local to my area, and are interested in studying this book with me and many other amazing women, please consider coming. We are meeting on Mondays at 6:30pm throughout the summer. This is one thing that I felt God was encouraging me to say YES to! This one book has highlighted the things God has said about food in the Bible, and about our cravings and has condensed them in a way that I can apply them to my life. I've grown so much in my two times studying it before, and I've loved the way I've grown, so I'm going back for a third time!
So, for now, I'm going to go and pedal for another 5 miles! I'm then going to go read and pray. And I'm going to thank God for the next seven days...my last seven days of boot camp. I'm planning on working as hard as I can those days...I have a goal in mind of where I want to be at the end. (309!) But, when those days are finished, I will resume a healthy eating pattern (that includes many more veggies, since my love for them has grown!) with a nice active lifestyle, but I'm toning down the intensity just for a bit, so I can regroup.
I still have a pretty aggressive goal for the summer. My first MAJOR goal is 299, and I'm hoping to be there by the middle of July! So, friends, thanks for being amazing support, and please, continue to uphold me in prayer and cheer me on. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm ready to get the job done! :)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
10 Miles with Missy
This morning I want to take some time to write about my morning with Missy. Ah, Missy Shaffer. I love that gal. Missy is intense. She's amazing. She loves the Lord. She works hard to be in shape. It doesn't come natural to her. She busts her bootie to stay in awesome shape. I have been amazed at her growth in the Lord, especially over the last year or 18 months.
Missy and I are very different people, but that is what makes me love her all the more. I think our inner motives are the same, but our outward handling of them are very different, which made serving with her on our MOPS ministry team amazing. Some people get annoyed when people are different than them. Me, I love it! I know if the world was full of softy, scaredy cats like me, we would get nothing accomplished.
That's why Missy was my perfect match this morning.
We decided earlier this week that we would go bike riding this morning. Missy decided for me (See...I LOVE THIS GAL!) that today would be the day that I finally finish the trail I've been riding for a total of 10 miles. I agreed, but I was feeling pretty strong when I said yes.
Earlier this week, David and I had rode 6.5 miles. It was tough on me, but I figured how hard could another 3.5 miles be? Well, the thing I forgot was that when I rode the 6.5 miles I had rested from bootcamp exercise for a full 48 hours. Yeah, I hadn't even had a 12 hour break from bootcamp workouts when we started out at 5:50am. And, when David and I ride, I set the pace. If I can go fast, we go fast, if I need to slow down, we slow down. With Missy, she was setting the pace. (Even though she did slow down dramatically to accommodate me.)
As we began, I realized that my bike was not shifting the way I needed it to. And for some reason my bike just seemed like torture to pedal. By .75mile in, I was spent. I kept thinking, "Lord, if I'm going to do this, you are going to have to push my bike!". I kept thinking of my friend Julie telling me the other day to "Just keep swimming..." like Dory from Nemo. I was doing the best I could until mile marker #4. That was when THE HILL started. Missy had warned me about the hill. I had never gone past the 4 mile marker. I had only rode out that far and turned around. But, that hill was the entire 5th mile and it was brutal on my body. At one point I was pretty sure I was going to heave. I was crying because my legs hurt so bad, but I wasn't about to let Missy (OR MYSELF!) down. So, a couple of points I had to get off and push my bike, but I made it all the way up that darn-blasted, meanie head, poopy-butt hill. (Pardon my French! hahaha!). I was just at the top of the hill at mile marker #5 when I reported, "Missy, we have a problem." My pedal was lose.
Now, here's the thing about me and biking. I love it. But I'm "un-eloquent" at it. I still have terrible balance and it's hard to get over 300 pounds delicately balanced on a thin two wheeled object. So, when something is wrong with my bike, something is wrong with ME!
Since we turn around at that hill and ride back, the first half mile or so I was able to coast downhill without a ton of pedaling. Missy was able to use her mechanical geniuses, and tighten the pedal a bit with her finger, but I was still unable to pedal correctly. Well, this is when Missy steps up and takes on the amazing ROCK STAR status even farther (she had well earned her stripes by then!). She offered to let me ride her bike, and she would ride my rickety, hard to pedal bike home.
So, I was terrified to say yes to this, but I did. I was afraid I would break Missy's bike. Or that I wouldn't be able to handle how high her bike was. But, Missy was offering, and I knew the only other alternative was me walking the next 5 miles, and I had to be home within an hour! So, I get myself hoisted up on her bike...and LET ME JUST TELL YOU....I LEARNED SOMETHING THIS MORNING.....I'M RIDING THE WRONG BIKE!!!
I never knew what a difference the right bike could make. Suddenly, on Missy's bike, my knees didn't hurt, my posture was better, and her bike actually shifted (after I learned how!). So, while Missy was being tortured on my bicycle, I was enjoying the best 4 mile ride of my life! Let's just say my dreams of a Kindle Fire are right out the window! I WANT A NEW BIKE!!!
I still feel bad that she had to endure the torture of my bike, but I'm so grateful she let me experience a new lease on biking. I wonder if bike shops offer lay-away-programs? :)
So, for the rest of today, I'm taking it easy. (I don't say that very often!) I'm celebrating my victory! Thanks for journeying with me through 10 miles! Thanks for celebrating with me! And, as always, thank you for reading about this roller coaster ride with me!
And Missy Shaffer...God has made you so amazing. You blessed me immensely today! I hope God rewards you amazingly! :) THANKS AGAIN CHICA!!!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Sorting out my plans...
I'll admit it. Today, I'm struggling.
I know that boot camp has produced amazing results. I know that I'm seeing myself do amazing things. I'm thankful for the relationships that starting, deepening, or blossoming because of boot camp. I am happy to know that I'm shrinking..even if I can not see it yet. Even at the 40 pound mark, I still "feel" as fat as ever.
When I committed to boot camp, I told myself I would give it my all for four weeks. And, 16 days in, I have. It took me a while to get what exactly was expected out of me, but, I've hung tight and I'm staying strong. But, I must admit, knowing the end of boot camp was only 12 more days away has had a certain allure to it. I like knowing that 12 more sleeps, and boot camp will be a part of my history. Something that I have done. Something I'm proud of. But, something I can say I don't have to worry about anymore.
However, after my weigh in happened on Sunday, I began to think about what was next. What is my meal plan for when boot camp is done? It was Sunday that I learned that bootcamp can continue for another 4 weeks. I began to wonder if maybe I should consider that.
Then, as if to confirm my thoughts, I received an email from sweet Marcey, challenging me (with rewards!) to think about the same thing. Let me pause here and tell you a little bit about Marcey. She is the one who told me about NGPT's Melt Away program in the first place. She also believed in me enough to sponsor about 1/3 of my price for this boot camp. She's supported me emotionally, intellectually, and financially. She's a big deal to me. She's pretty much amazing.
So, I am going back and forth in my mind. Where's the line for me? If I don't do this, am I going to let myself down? Will I regain everything? Will Marcey, Hannah (my coach), David, and all my friends be disappointed in me? Will I have healthy enough habits on my own to keep on fighting.?
Then, on the same side, I wonder if I choose to do it again...how many more social events will I sit there and watch others chow on ice cream, cookies and pizza, while I nibble on my sweet bell peppers and almonds. (On the converse, how many times have I wished I could do something, but couldn't because of my size...)
I'm actually on the verge of tears. I know that common sense says that if you have the opportunity basically right there in front of you, that you should take it. I just do not know if I'm strong enough for another 40 days of this. I do know that somehow if I can stick it out the rewards will be great though.
I also know that each one of you is going to have an opinion on this. And that's why sometimes it's hard to write and be real and vulnerable. But, I'm risking it, because I have to sort this out. And this blog to me is like my "memoirs" of this journey. This is an important decision.
Adriane told me today, and I know she's right, that this is a LIFE CHANGING decision.
I need prayer. For strength. Decisiveness. Encouragement. Steadfastness. Joy. Hope. Discipline. And for answers.
Thanks for reading my jumbled mess, where I feel hopeless. I know tomorrow I will probably feel brand new...but today is today...and I'm feeling how I'm feeling...and I'm learning, if I don't own up to those emotions, than I'm more tempted than ever to eat because of them.
I know that boot camp has produced amazing results. I know that I'm seeing myself do amazing things. I'm thankful for the relationships that starting, deepening, or blossoming because of boot camp. I am happy to know that I'm shrinking..even if I can not see it yet. Even at the 40 pound mark, I still "feel" as fat as ever.
When I committed to boot camp, I told myself I would give it my all for four weeks. And, 16 days in, I have. It took me a while to get what exactly was expected out of me, but, I've hung tight and I'm staying strong. But, I must admit, knowing the end of boot camp was only 12 more days away has had a certain allure to it. I like knowing that 12 more sleeps, and boot camp will be a part of my history. Something that I have done. Something I'm proud of. But, something I can say I don't have to worry about anymore.
However, after my weigh in happened on Sunday, I began to think about what was next. What is my meal plan for when boot camp is done? It was Sunday that I learned that bootcamp can continue for another 4 weeks. I began to wonder if maybe I should consider that.
Then, as if to confirm my thoughts, I received an email from sweet Marcey, challenging me (with rewards!) to think about the same thing. Let me pause here and tell you a little bit about Marcey. She is the one who told me about NGPT's Melt Away program in the first place. She also believed in me enough to sponsor about 1/3 of my price for this boot camp. She's supported me emotionally, intellectually, and financially. She's a big deal to me. She's pretty much amazing.
So, I am going back and forth in my mind. Where's the line for me? If I don't do this, am I going to let myself down? Will I regain everything? Will Marcey, Hannah (my coach), David, and all my friends be disappointed in me? Will I have healthy enough habits on my own to keep on fighting.?
Then, on the same side, I wonder if I choose to do it again...how many more social events will I sit there and watch others chow on ice cream, cookies and pizza, while I nibble on my sweet bell peppers and almonds. (On the converse, how many times have I wished I could do something, but couldn't because of my size...)
I'm actually on the verge of tears. I know that common sense says that if you have the opportunity basically right there in front of you, that you should take it. I just do not know if I'm strong enough for another 40 days of this. I do know that somehow if I can stick it out the rewards will be great though.
I also know that each one of you is going to have an opinion on this. And that's why sometimes it's hard to write and be real and vulnerable. But, I'm risking it, because I have to sort this out. And this blog to me is like my "memoirs" of this journey. This is an important decision.
Adriane told me today, and I know she's right, that this is a LIFE CHANGING decision.
I need prayer. For strength. Decisiveness. Encouragement. Steadfastness. Joy. Hope. Discipline. And for answers.
Thanks for reading my jumbled mess, where I feel hopeless. I know tomorrow I will probably feel brand new...but today is today...and I'm feeling how I'm feeling...and I'm learning, if I don't own up to those emotions, than I'm more tempted than ever to eat because of them.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
I want YOU to feel empowered!
My emotions are high at the halfway point of my 4 week Melt Away Bootcamp. I have had about a million people ask me what exactly bootcamp entails, so let me tell ya first off! Bootcamp is an exercise and eating regimen that is optimal for burning fat. So, I'm not just "losing weight." I'm actually getting rid of the fat in my body (and replacing it with muscle!!!) I eat a very strict diet and I work out at least 300 minutes a week, 3 hours of those being actual boot camp workouts, which push my body in the most amazing ways.
Anyways, 2 weeks of following that schedule, the last 8 days following it to a "T" and I weighed in and measured this morning. I couldn't believe it! My belly measured a full 4 inches smaller!!! And my weight was down to 319.8, which was a total of 17.8 pounds lost. (Disclaimer: the last two weeks before bootcamp began, I ate a lot of "last meals" so my weight had shot up a decent amount.). I WAS AMAZED! I had taken "before" pictures the night before bootcamp started, and today I put on the same exact clothes, and made David point out all the spots on me that made me look smaller! :)
The numbers have been amazing! The results have been great. But, let me tell you what has amazed me even more...THE SUPPORT!
You, my friends, have given me more support than I could ever ask for on this journey! I have had people praying for me, exercise along with me (even if they live hundreds of miles away...Sheila!), let me cry to them (Mary Beth!), and my friend Adriane even lets me call her when I'm on my recumbent bike. I usually just say, "Talk to me. I have 3 miles left," and she will talk until she hears the bike beep. That my friends, is amazing stuff! She listens to me huff and puff and even let out weird exercise noises when I can't believe I still have another 1.25 miles to go! :) And so many of you just make sure to check my daily boot camp updates, and encourage me with the "I'm proud of you's!" Please, don't ever underestimate the power of them! They help me keep going when it's almost too hard!
Just like at the race (see the blog post, "I finished last"), there is a verse that keeps coming to mind. It's Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race set out for us." I love that beginning part...
Now, I know when that verse talks about the great cloud of witnesses, its referring back to chapter 11, when the Bible talks about all the great people of faith like Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Moses, and so on. But, I think also of the believers that God has put around me to encourage me. Everywhere I turn, there is a neighbor, a friend, a family member, a MOPS mom, a church friend, or a Facebook friend cheering me on. I want to lose weight for me, to break the addiction that food has had on my entire family, but I also want to do it to make YOU all proud of me.
I know this struggle is not just isolated to me. I know many of you struggle with your weight, with food addiction, or maybe just with lack of physical activity in your life. I just want you to see a used to be a 360 pound woman (whose wiggled her way down to 319.8 right now!) can do boot camp. And not just "do" bootcamp...but "DO" bootcamp...that you feel like you can do it too. I want you to not be afraid to give up foods you never thought you could live with out (chocolate, anyone?). I want you to sweat like me! You know what I mean...the kind of sweat where your kids are not sure if you just stepped out of the shower or exercised! It breaks my heart when I hear people say, "I could never do it myself." YES! YES YOU CAN!!! I"M DOING THIS! SO CAN YOU! I want you to feel empowered. Because this last week, when I traveled on a road trip for 4 hours with my kids, I was able to stay on my plan. Because yesterday, when my sweet mother-in-law got married, I stayed on plan (that's right! I said "NO" to wedding cookies!). Because, when I felt like I may pass out from all my physical feats, I STILL stayed on plan! Because, I have found a way to stretch a non-existent grocery budget and been able to buy healthy food to stay on plan. (Ok, that one is all God's doing, but still...I STAYED ON PLAN.) Those things are empowering. "Impossible situations" are no longer my excuse. Next Generation's (my bootcamp home) motto is "Make progress...not excuses." My prayer is just that for each of you. That you will find a way to feel empowered in your own life. And that you can see how your situations do not have to limit you.
I pray that you will feel blessed tonight. The support of all of you has made this first two weeks bearable. And celebrating with you all has been fantastic! Thank you for loving me, for supporting me, and for cheering me on. Love, Sarah
Anyways, 2 weeks of following that schedule, the last 8 days following it to a "T" and I weighed in and measured this morning. I couldn't believe it! My belly measured a full 4 inches smaller!!! And my weight was down to 319.8, which was a total of 17.8 pounds lost. (Disclaimer: the last two weeks before bootcamp began, I ate a lot of "last meals" so my weight had shot up a decent amount.). I WAS AMAZED! I had taken "before" pictures the night before bootcamp started, and today I put on the same exact clothes, and made David point out all the spots on me that made me look smaller! :)
The numbers have been amazing! The results have been great. But, let me tell you what has amazed me even more...THE SUPPORT!
You, my friends, have given me more support than I could ever ask for on this journey! I have had people praying for me, exercise along with me (even if they live hundreds of miles away...Sheila!), let me cry to them (Mary Beth!), and my friend Adriane even lets me call her when I'm on my recumbent bike. I usually just say, "Talk to me. I have 3 miles left," and she will talk until she hears the bike beep. That my friends, is amazing stuff! She listens to me huff and puff and even let out weird exercise noises when I can't believe I still have another 1.25 miles to go! :) And so many of you just make sure to check my daily boot camp updates, and encourage me with the "I'm proud of you's!" Please, don't ever underestimate the power of them! They help me keep going when it's almost too hard!
Just like at the race (see the blog post, "I finished last"), there is a verse that keeps coming to mind. It's Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race set out for us." I love that beginning part...
Now, I know when that verse talks about the great cloud of witnesses, its referring back to chapter 11, when the Bible talks about all the great people of faith like Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Moses, and so on. But, I think also of the believers that God has put around me to encourage me. Everywhere I turn, there is a neighbor, a friend, a family member, a MOPS mom, a church friend, or a Facebook friend cheering me on. I want to lose weight for me, to break the addiction that food has had on my entire family, but I also want to do it to make YOU all proud of me.
I know this struggle is not just isolated to me. I know many of you struggle with your weight, with food addiction, or maybe just with lack of physical activity in your life. I just want you to see a used to be a 360 pound woman (whose wiggled her way down to 319.8 right now!) can do boot camp. And not just "do" bootcamp...but "DO" bootcamp...that you feel like you can do it too. I want you to not be afraid to give up foods you never thought you could live with out (chocolate, anyone?). I want you to sweat like me! You know what I mean...the kind of sweat where your kids are not sure if you just stepped out of the shower or exercised! It breaks my heart when I hear people say, "I could never do it myself." YES! YES YOU CAN!!! I"M DOING THIS! SO CAN YOU! I want you to feel empowered. Because this last week, when I traveled on a road trip for 4 hours with my kids, I was able to stay on my plan. Because yesterday, when my sweet mother-in-law got married, I stayed on plan (that's right! I said "NO" to wedding cookies!). Because, when I felt like I may pass out from all my physical feats, I STILL stayed on plan! Because, I have found a way to stretch a non-existent grocery budget and been able to buy healthy food to stay on plan. (Ok, that one is all God's doing, but still...I STAYED ON PLAN.) Those things are empowering. "Impossible situations" are no longer my excuse. Next Generation's (my bootcamp home) motto is "Make progress...not excuses." My prayer is just that for each of you. That you will find a way to feel empowered in your own life. And that you can see how your situations do not have to limit you.
I pray that you will feel blessed tonight. The support of all of you has made this first two weeks bearable. And celebrating with you all has been fantastic! Thank you for loving me, for supporting me, and for cheering me on. Love, Sarah
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Bootcamp Update: Week 1
I've started writing two other blog posts that I was never able to finish this week...but, to sum up what they said...BOOTCAMP IS NOT FOR WIMPS. Unfortunately, I think I may fall under the wimp category.
I thought I was ready for this. I am used to being self controlled, active, and disciplined. But, as the name implies, BOOTCAMP is HARD! Way harder than I imagined it to be. I just want my coach to be proud of me, but it seems every day I make one or two mistakes, and I miss out on the goal that she wants for me. I feel like BOOTCAMP sets me up for this incredibly hard line of perfection that I do not reach very often when it comes to my eating. It's difficult to stay positive when you feel like you are failing, even if you are failing only by not reaching perfection. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. (It actually reminds me of the Old Jewish law, and how it reminds us of our need for Christ, because we can not be perfect on our own.)
Really, if you, or anyone else besides my accountability coach looked at my diet, you would think I'm a rockstar. I'm eating almost all veggies, with a serving or two (depends on the day) of carbs, and a decent amount of protein. It's a healthy diet, and its a good things I like vegetables. One day, I ate so many vegetables, I thought my brain and my belly were going to strike up in a revolution. The thing that gets me is that my "oopsies" are always little. Like a bite of dry stuffing mix (I really wanted bread! lol) or a spoonful of lasagna filling I made for my family. It's not like I'm downing a Reese's cup or anything...but, the plan is the plan, and I really struggle sticking to this plan.
The good news? The diet has helped curb any real cravings for sweets or chocolate. However, this diet has not conquered the mental connection. Last night, all I could think about it how I wanted a campfire and a s'more. Normally, on my diet, that would be allowed. I would work it in my calories, and indulge in one. Not during BOOTCAMP. Is it a veggie? Chicken? Fish? Occasional fruit? NO??? NOT EATING IT!!!
Oh yeah, let me tell you about BOOTCAMP workouts. Normally, I love to workout. I crave it. It makes me smile. These workouts not only make my fat cells cry, I'm usually in tears too. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get my 330 pound body to do "bodybuilders" or "mountain climbers." I just chug along doing the best I can. At least I can survive a 60 minute workout now.
Oh, and did I mention, I have a sinus infection to go along with all of this fun. So, my head feels as if it is filled with concrete, and that it has expanded a foot or two!
So, to say the least, it's been a hard week. I'm deeply grateful for the opportunity of BOOTCAMP. I know it's a blessing, and its a great way to boost my weight loss. But, I have to say I'm literally counting the workouts and days left. 9 more bootcamp classes, and 21 more days. :)
My friend Sheila has committed to boosting her workouts in support of me, and I really really appreciate that. It's helped knowing that someone else is out there pushing their limit too!
Next Sunday, I will be able to report my two week measurements. And, I am planning on being able to say I'm stronger, and more mentally stable, because let me tell you, this last week almost did me in.
I'm also planning on finding a way to spend more time in the word. I forget time and time again about how much strength I draw from God's word. I am planning on doing the Made to Crave devotional every day this week too. Both of those will probably make a huge difference in my success!
Thank you for cheering me on, for asking about bootcamp, for sneaking peaks at my plate and for praying for me. I appreciate my team! Love you all!
Sarah
I thought I was ready for this. I am used to being self controlled, active, and disciplined. But, as the name implies, BOOTCAMP is HARD! Way harder than I imagined it to be. I just want my coach to be proud of me, but it seems every day I make one or two mistakes, and I miss out on the goal that she wants for me. I feel like BOOTCAMP sets me up for this incredibly hard line of perfection that I do not reach very often when it comes to my eating. It's difficult to stay positive when you feel like you are failing, even if you are failing only by not reaching perfection. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. (It actually reminds me of the Old Jewish law, and how it reminds us of our need for Christ, because we can not be perfect on our own.)
Really, if you, or anyone else besides my accountability coach looked at my diet, you would think I'm a rockstar. I'm eating almost all veggies, with a serving or two (depends on the day) of carbs, and a decent amount of protein. It's a healthy diet, and its a good things I like vegetables. One day, I ate so many vegetables, I thought my brain and my belly were going to strike up in a revolution. The thing that gets me is that my "oopsies" are always little. Like a bite of dry stuffing mix (I really wanted bread! lol) or a spoonful of lasagna filling I made for my family. It's not like I'm downing a Reese's cup or anything...but, the plan is the plan, and I really struggle sticking to this plan.
The good news? The diet has helped curb any real cravings for sweets or chocolate. However, this diet has not conquered the mental connection. Last night, all I could think about it how I wanted a campfire and a s'more. Normally, on my diet, that would be allowed. I would work it in my calories, and indulge in one. Not during BOOTCAMP. Is it a veggie? Chicken? Fish? Occasional fruit? NO??? NOT EATING IT!!!
Oh yeah, let me tell you about BOOTCAMP workouts. Normally, I love to workout. I crave it. It makes me smile. These workouts not only make my fat cells cry, I'm usually in tears too. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get my 330 pound body to do "bodybuilders" or "mountain climbers." I just chug along doing the best I can. At least I can survive a 60 minute workout now.
Oh, and did I mention, I have a sinus infection to go along with all of this fun. So, my head feels as if it is filled with concrete, and that it has expanded a foot or two!
So, to say the least, it's been a hard week. I'm deeply grateful for the opportunity of BOOTCAMP. I know it's a blessing, and its a great way to boost my weight loss. But, I have to say I'm literally counting the workouts and days left. 9 more bootcamp classes, and 21 more days. :)
My friend Sheila has committed to boosting her workouts in support of me, and I really really appreciate that. It's helped knowing that someone else is out there pushing their limit too!
Next Sunday, I will be able to report my two week measurements. And, I am planning on being able to say I'm stronger, and more mentally stable, because let me tell you, this last week almost did me in.
I'm also planning on finding a way to spend more time in the word. I forget time and time again about how much strength I draw from God's word. I am planning on doing the Made to Crave devotional every day this week too. Both of those will probably make a huge difference in my success!
Thank you for cheering me on, for asking about bootcamp, for sneaking peaks at my plate and for praying for me. I appreciate my team! Love you all!
Sarah
Sunday, May 13, 2012
ugh
I keep wavering between gratefulness, trepidation, irritation, and low morale lately. Have you ever been to the point where you are just not sure what you need? Or how to snap out of a funk?
I'm feeling a bit "funkified" the last few days. I think weeks with high expectations always leave me that way. Tuesday was my birthday, Thursday was the anniversary of David and I beginning our relationship, and today was Mother's Day. None of those special days were spent in marital bliss with David or spent harmoniously mothering my children, or relaxing at a spa, or even sipping tea. No. They were chaos. And sometimes lonely. And I've cried a lot of tears the last few days.
I'm very grateful for those who helped me acknowledge those days. They just were not ANYTHING like I had envisioned. I had also planned on spending the last week planning for the beginning of my boot camp. Yeah, that didn't happen... I'm so afraid of failing that I almost backed out and didn't even try. I also thought about sending an email that said, "Send me a refund!" But, deep down, I'm not that kind of girl. I refuse to give up, especially before I even tried. I kept trying to convince myself that there are better, more ideal times in my life to attempt such a feat at four weeks of utter and complete discipline. But the fact of the matter is, my life, right now, is pretty chaotic. And I know that when it comes to my health the race is against the clock. So, it's time to whip myself into shape.
I am praying that the next four weeks will help me be more willing to give up the food that I hold so dear. I'm wondering how I will make it through 28 days without a chai latte? Or yogurt? Or chocolate? Seriously? No chocolate? What in the world was I thinking?
It's a really good thing I have the promises of God holding me up!
I'm also nervous about all the cardio. I feel like it's a miracle when I accomplish 10 miles on my bike. That is going to be an "easy day" feat...*sigh*
Feel free to send prayers up to Heaven for me. I'm not trying to be dramatic here, just real. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I've never felt less organize nor more weak in my life.
I usually try to have words of wisdom tucked into my blog. But, tonight I'm so tired and so preoccupied that the only thing I'm going to close with is..."Yes, I'm tired and disorganized and weak...but somehow, I'm going to dig down deep and find a way to do this!" THE END.
I'm feeling a bit "funkified" the last few days. I think weeks with high expectations always leave me that way. Tuesday was my birthday, Thursday was the anniversary of David and I beginning our relationship, and today was Mother's Day. None of those special days were spent in marital bliss with David or spent harmoniously mothering my children, or relaxing at a spa, or even sipping tea. No. They were chaos. And sometimes lonely. And I've cried a lot of tears the last few days.
I'm very grateful for those who helped me acknowledge those days. They just were not ANYTHING like I had envisioned. I had also planned on spending the last week planning for the beginning of my boot camp. Yeah, that didn't happen... I'm so afraid of failing that I almost backed out and didn't even try. I also thought about sending an email that said, "Send me a refund!" But, deep down, I'm not that kind of girl. I refuse to give up, especially before I even tried. I kept trying to convince myself that there are better, more ideal times in my life to attempt such a feat at four weeks of utter and complete discipline. But the fact of the matter is, my life, right now, is pretty chaotic. And I know that when it comes to my health the race is against the clock. So, it's time to whip myself into shape.
I am praying that the next four weeks will help me be more willing to give up the food that I hold so dear. I'm wondering how I will make it through 28 days without a chai latte? Or yogurt? Or chocolate? Seriously? No chocolate? What in the world was I thinking?
It's a really good thing I have the promises of God holding me up!
I'm also nervous about all the cardio. I feel like it's a miracle when I accomplish 10 miles on my bike. That is going to be an "easy day" feat...*sigh*
Feel free to send prayers up to Heaven for me. I'm not trying to be dramatic here, just real. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I've never felt less organize nor more weak in my life.
I usually try to have words of wisdom tucked into my blog. But, tonight I'm so tired and so preoccupied that the only thing I'm going to close with is..."Yes, I'm tired and disorganized and weak...but somehow, I'm going to dig down deep and find a way to do this!" THE END.
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