Tuesday, March 5, 2013

My Wilderness Mentality

I’m roaming around a vast desert.  It’s scary here.  Death seems to be waiting behind every rock.  I’m tired here.  There is no rest.  Everything is harder than it needs to be.  My breathing is more labored.  My joints hurt.  My belly makes churning sounds all the time.  I struggle to be free from colds and sickness.  My headaches are prevalent.
Even though the promised land is just a short journey away, I cannot even imagine being there, because, simply put, I’ve never been there.  I know it’s been promised me, and I know God has equipped me to get there, but I obstinately close my eyes and plug my ears at God’s commands.  Why?
                Because I’m tired today.  Because that bowl of ice cream is tasty.  Because self-deprivation is not natural for me.  Because my favorite foods are pizza, chocolate, and fried cheese…and even though they make me feel sick and sluggish, they provide a temporary euphoria that I think is worth losing a bounty of milk and honey and colorful vegetation.
                I don’t feel safe here.  But, I don’t feel safe moving forward either.  I think it’s because here, I am guaranteed at least a few feel good moments here and there.  But, in the promised land, I struggle trusting God to see me through.  I’m afraid that I’ll never know pleasure again.  Isn’t that silly?
                He’s never given me any reason to doubt.  I just do.  Because, once again, even though I’m scared, it’s what I know.  I logically know that the first 3 bites of fried cheese could never compare to the riches of obedience to God, but I consistently trade them off.  Lord, I’m sorry.  I repent of that.  Help me to be an overcomer.  Help me think true thoughts. Help me realize how beautiful your goodness is, and how wonderful your commands are.  Help me love your law and appreciate the safe guidelines and the instructions you have provided for me to journey into the promised land.
                Help me love YOU more than I love food.  Help me loose the selfish, worldly issue of constantly seeking pleasure.  Help me see that submitting to your law and saying no to my desires at times will help me feel energized.  I will see my joints hurt less.  My body digesting better.  My overall health improving.  Because, the promised land is so much more than milk and honey.  It’s about being where you want me to be.  Please, Lord, help my heart change.


  1. So eloquent. So heartfelt. So where many of us dwell. So thankful for your gifts.

  2. So eloquent. So heartfelt. So where many of us dwell. So thankful for your gifts.

  3. Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are. God's precious child whom He loves for who and what we are. Always. No matter what. He is here. The day that came alive in my heart my life was forever changed. It's not our great love or faithfulness. It's His that sees us through. Reach outand take hold of it..every day. Faith not feelings! Love you so much, mom