I know that's not the correct way to start a paragraph, or a blog, for that matter. But, I had tried over and over to figure out how to start today...and this is what you got!
Similarly, my first task of the day...Micah's room...it's not happening either. Well, it happened. But, it's bad. Real bad.
Micah's room is the smallest room in the house. It has a set of bunk beds, a 6 drawer dresser, a small bookcase, a toy organizer (doubling as stairs to the top bunk), and a closet. In the closet is 3 years of beautiful, name brand, some still with tags on them clothes that were given to us. The issue we have hit is that Micah is just much smaller than most kids his age, and for the last three years he's pretty much worn the same size. Well, finally, he has hit a spurt, and we've decided to hit the closet to sort through all those clothes.
What a disaster! His entire floor is covered in piles of clothes...and I pray I can remember what each pile means, and where it is to go when I begin the journey of the "donate" "summer" "school" "church" separation. Not to mention the 9 pairs of swim trunks I have to figure out how to redistribute!
Both kids will be moving into Lydia's room for a few days. I'm not sure why I started this project today. I think I thought it would be easier. But, as for starting this enormous project the Saturday before VBS (Vacation Bible School) and while my Dad is still in the hospital---I'm not sure why I thought I could "handle" it.
It's just a reminder that these days about everything I face is bigger than what I can handle. Whether it's my dad's health issues, VBS, my insane schedule, ministry opportunities, my weight loss, our debt, or trying to become a better person...it's all so much bigger than I am.
I'm a mess. So is Micah's room.
This is the point of my blog where I typically spin it into a happy little positive thought---but, today, I'm not sure I have it in me. I know there are still all kinds of good things, and I'm still a joyful person, but today, I truly feel a little dark. Rather frustrated. I still know God holds the future in his hands, but I wish that the future didn't look so scary to me. I wish that everything didn't feel so arduous. I know I have grown some in the area of trusting God, but the more I grow, the bigger the issues are that I need to trust him with.
So, I'm just going to do what I must. I will chip away at Micah's room in 20 minute increments. I will pick one Bible verse at a time to sustain me and whisper one prayer at a time. I will pay one bill and work on one task and make one healthy decision at a time. We will work on getting Dad through one day at a time as well.
I can do this. Through Christ. Even if my mood isn't the greatest. Even if I'm tired and worn. God can sustain us, even through the darker days.
To close, I want to share this song that so beautiful depicts how I feel today. I share it with you even while my eyes are still wet from crying from listening to it. It's called WORN by Tenth Avenue North. And, it's my prayer and my heart on this Saturday morning. Please, take a few minutes to listen to this powerful song.