Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Jill's Guest Post

As I have embarked farther on this journey, I have received many emails, words of wisdom, advice, and questions.  But, last night I read a "journal entry" or a "blog" that spoke to my  heart in beautiful ways.  So, it is with great respect and love that I want to share with you my very first "guest blog post."  I asked Jill if I could share her words with you.  They are insightful.  They are helpful.  And they are true.  I trust that you will relate and be encouraged by them, just as I was!

“So, how’d you do it? ”   Everyone on a weight loss journey ought to prepare themselves to be able to answer this question in 10 words or less.  And be prepared that *some* people DON’T want to hear ANYthing to do with hard work or sacrifice or deprivation…those are the kind of people who are looking for a “magic pill”  or at the very least, a foolproof “formula” guaranteed to bring FAST results.
Hey, I of all people *get this* totally- *I* was one of them not that long ago.
If I asked someone who’d lost weight how’d they’d done it, and they said it took them over a year to accomplish their goal, I’d have scoffed and replied, “Pah, that’s too much work…..”  So, beginning with THAT mindset, it is MY intention to reach out to that audience.  Because I KNOW where you’re coming from…and all I can say is what was said to me…and it impacted me:  DOING NOTHING won’t change anything either.  And it IS a mountain, but it can be moved….one shovelful at a time.  I didn’t get this way overnight and I won’t Undo it overnight either.  And NOT caring about my health…and NOT paying any attention to WHAT I was putting IN my mouth…the most effective way to Undo that HABIT, is to COUNTERACT it the same way…START caring,  START paying attention.
For me, the VERY first step was going to the LORD about it.  I’ve tried this MANY times before, and *seemed* to succeed ( in the past, I DID lose weight) but I only gained victory on the outside, NEVER on the inside-  so the “success” was short-lived.  I never dealt with the REAL deep-seeded issues- of WHY I binged, WHY I turned to FOOD when I was dealing with emotional issues.  Not surprising I’m sure- the weight came back on…and then some.
In all honesty, I didn’t even WANT to START this journey.  Well, I wanted to lose weight- SURE, who doesn’t?  I stood in front of the mirror OFTEN, and despised what I’d done to myself.  I was convinced that if I could lose weight and *look* better, I’d like myself more.  The *sad* thing is, every attempt- and subsequent failure- just made me despise myself even MORE…it was a vicious, never-seeming-to-end cycle….resulting in yet another binge of mindless eating of whatever appealed to me at the time.  It was my *punishment* of myself for having NO *willpower*, and for having such apathy towards myself.  FOOD, which I turned to for some odd type of *comfort* was also my worst enemy, my worst critic, my deepest shame, my biggest secret, my private hell, the ultimate bondage…because the human body cannot be sustained withOUT FOOD…how do you “escape” this kind of bondage?
I’d LOVE to tell you I have ALL the answers…Oh brother…I’m sorry…I feel like I should have a sign tattooed across my forehead- just do the OPPOSITE of what I do, and you’ll be fine.  
I don’t have all the answers.  At the end of my weight loss goal, I feel like I have more QUESTIONS than answers myself.   I’ve learned much, and the more I learn, the LESS I think I KNOW anymore.  I don’t know SQUAT.
I want to ENcourage others, but I feel like such a failure myself…I feel like UNTIL I get this whole thing down pat, and don’t stumble and fail, ONLY then can I give any *advice* worth listening to- every failure, every transgression just affirms to me that I am mocking the name of the Lord I claim to serve…for in essence, I *feel* like my testimony only PROVES to others who already MOCK HIM, that the God I serve is a puny little god, and the power of the Twinkie is stronger than the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, maker of heaven and earth.   I am better off keeping my mouth shut, and NOT bringing HIS name into my quest…because it seems like my failures bring Him shame.
Except here’s the thing…these are all things I *feel*, things I *think* every time I fail to do the right thing, the things that flood my heart and mind every time I stumble and fall, and give into temptation(s)…NONE of these thoughts are coming from the heart of my Savior, Jesus Christ.            These accusations and condemnations and words of discouragement, shame and despair are lies of the enemy to destroy me, to stop me, and to bring me back into bondage from which HE paid to set me free.
HE has promised…with every step of obedience He offers GRACE.   With every transgression- when I confess my sin- and come to HIM for restoration, that HE is faithful not only to FORGIVE, but to cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness.
It isn’t a matter of whether or not I ever screw it all up- it’s a guarantee that I will INDEED stumble and fall- but WHAT do I do…WHEN ( not IF, WHEN)  I do???
Do I run for cover, and hide from Him?
Or do I go running TO HIM, crying, saying, “FATHER, I don’t WANT to keep doing this. I NEED YOU.  I NEED YOUR GRACE, I seek Your mercy.”
The  greatest lesson I’ve learned out of this entire journey:  I can’t trust my *feelings*….those are what got me into this predicament in the FIRST place.  I NEED to live on a deeper, more constant plane than my temporal *feelings*  (which can CHANGE in a split second)…  The ONLY constant in MY life is the LORD- who doesn’t change.  HE can be trusted. HE is faithFUL even when I am completely faithLESS.
Which is why, no matter where I am in this journey…UP or DOWN- I walk with HIM…and I seek to do it all FOR HIS GLORY…and when I fall flat on my face, I STILL choose to get back UP and walk towards HIM,  taking HIS hand, seeking to have HIM lead me, guide me, and be my strength.

And, after almost a year on this journey- looking back- in retrospect-
Has it been *worth it?*   Or, if there were such a thing as this “magic pill” or fool proof formula-
Given a choice, which would I choose?  Yep, that *easier way out* still could be tempting.
But I’m glad I didn’t find an empty promise. 
I’m grateful I took the  LONGER, HARDER path…what I’ve learned about HIM and how I’ve grown deeper in love with HIM because HE has walked beside me in the deepest, darkest area of my life thus far….
And I’d have missed it.   NOTHING can ever take this part of my life away- I will never believe that lie ever again that HE doesn’t care about the things that hurt me the deepest….HE has shown it in ways I can NEVER fully explain because I haven’t even fully comprehended it myself.
All I know is I want to share this with the people I love…I want to see them experience this type of freedom, to know this SAVIOR, to walk with HIM…because what’s He’s done for me is special but I am not in an exclusive club…HIS GRACE is open to ANYONE who comes to HIM, seeking HIM, not just what He can do for them.
 written by Jill Hughes, who has recently reached her goal weight!

I can not wait until I am like Jill!  At my goal weight (or at least closer to it!).  I can't wait to answer this question "Was it worth it?'  How amazing and exciting!
Thanks again Jill for letting me share your insight! 

Love and prayers friends!

No comments:

Post a Comment