Sunday, May 5, 2013


Every time I'm "almost there" IT happens.

The "almost there" is in reference to a goal.  Sure, many times the goal can be an actual goal weight.  Sometimes, the goal can be related to cleaning.  Many times, it can be a healthy habit that I'm trying to squeeze into my life.

And then there's the "it."  The 'IT" I was referring to is self-sabotage.

As I mentioned, I do "it" all the time.  I'll clean a room, but somehow I never finish the last 2 or 3 tasks to finalize the cleaning, which would allow me to just sit and enjoy the room.  Or, I will just stop doing a healthy habit that is doing me a world of good.  Or, as in the case of my birthday goal weight...I blow it in the last few days.  

My goal was to be at or below 320 by Wednesday.  When I set that goal 3.5 weeks ago, I was at 324.  That was a very acceptable and attainable goal.  Well, I had a weird setback, and I went up to 327.  That extra 3 pounds made the goal difficult, but it still could have happened.  Infact, by yesterday morning I was at 323.4.  5 days, and about 3.5 pounds was not beyond complete reason, if I would do everything by the book.  HOWEVER---I'm not sure who I am, and why I have been eating the way I have been over the last 18 hours.  It's almost like the pressure of that goal weight was weighing me down.

That's right.  My self-imposed, no one else cares goal weight was indeed wreaking inner turmoil and personal havoc on my life.  Yeah, I would call that a serious case of self-sabotage.

Somehow, some way, I need to pray my way through this.  I know that losing weight has to be a goal of mine.  Not weighing in is just not an option for me.  My body needs me at a lower weight to get healthier.  However, somehow I have to avoid this particular form of defeat.  

It reminds me that as far as I have come on this beautiful journey of surrender that I have so much more to attain.  I have to also remember those daily goals are essential for me to be I'm revisiting my food journaling yet again.  This goal is my "make it or break it" point.  I had an extremely successful two weeks when I was journaling what I ate.  So, I am committing one day at a time for the next seven days to write down what I eat.  If I was really brave, I would attach it to my blog...lucky for you, I'm not that brave yet! :)

This leaves me with the game plan:  I will still weigh in on my birthday.  But, I will not let that number determine my self worth.  I will hit my 100 miles on the bike by Wednesday. 16 more miles to go!  I will be drinking 100 ounces of water each day.  And I will design a workout plan to be done 3 times a week that is a full body workout.  I will reset my goals on Wednesday and start my 30's in a new mindset...a good mindset.  Maybe, just maybe, I can break free from some of this sabotage, even if it is a little at a time!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Sarah, I'll be praying for you. I'm glad you can see the enemy -- self sabotage! There is such a tricky balance: giving it to God and doing your part. But you are certainly doing your part. Set backs? Yes, a few. But so many people are praying for you. I'm one of them. And I'm rooting for you too!