For the longest time, I had a rule.
Never, EVER go to the doctors alone.
I was 18 years old the first time I did go to the doctors alone. And, while I was there, my (male) doctor told me as gently as he could that because of my medical past and the things I had gone through a year earlier, I would never have children.
That kind of started a trend. It was bad news for the next 4 or 5 years of doctors appointments. Even when I realized that the doctor was mistaken as I went to doctors appointments for my two pregnancies, there was never a whole lot of good news. It was usually one health battle after another health battle. Most of these health battles are chronic and weight related.
Well, yesterday, I broke my rule.
I had done lab work before we left on vacation and yesterday was the day to meet with the doctor and review all my labs. I decided to face the numbers all on my own. After all those numbers are a direct result of my choices, no one else's. I could actually feel my pulse pounding as I shut off the ignition. I had to mentally propel myself to walk in the office. But, like a brave little soldier, I did it.
Now, I don't mean to brag or anything, but my doctor is probably better than yours! :) Her name is Dr. Howick and she is the first doctor that I felt has ever really deeply cared about me. She remembers my family members names, she remembers details about our last visit and she understands that it takes time to conquer these battles. She doesn't expect perfection from me, just progress. And, she tends to prefer the slow and steady progress. She truly is one of a kind, and I'm so thankful that God led me to her.
I was amazed as we reviewed my labs, and it was almost all good news! Of course, I still weigh almost 330 pounds, and I'm still toeing the line of diabetes, but all my labs are looking beautiful. They are improving bit by bit.
I left her office feeling so encouraged. I know I can not change everything overnight, but knowing that I have another set of labs in six months makes me want to make good decisions day by day. I set a goal to be under 300 pounds when I go back in October.
That is a goal I've set many times, and I've never reached it. Well, this time I'm accomplishing it. It's those daily decisions of good food choices and exercise. It's those daily disciplines of being in God's word and surrounding myself on a regular basis with people who will help me accomplish my goals. It's daily. Everyday.
So, even though I was brave and went to the doctors alone yesterday, I realized that I'm not really created for aloneness. Because even though I received good news, I couldn't wait to share it with someone else!
I think that is part of why writing this blog is so motivating for me. It connects me with people. And I know that if I can remain committed to writing here too, that I'll be so much more likely to walk in that office in October with my weight FINALLY starting with a "2!"